Just out of interest have you just got hold of "z3ta" !? lmao ...

The melody you start off with is the initial loop from z3ta and as far as I know it's probably from a dance floor tune far as I remember that is probably from the 90's or something.

I'll let the others comment.

HaHa never said I didn't like it but the melody is one I've heard many a time before.

Yeah vaguely, the one you said "yeah, that's dnb" or some shite along those lines using pretty much the nn-19 and nothing else.

yeah its a zeta+ preset called "8 bar 1st contact"
its a trance arp from lateish 90 some thing like venaboys or some gay german handbag track.
(you did say brutal mate soz)
ok so we start off with trance and then that lil hi passed amen shuffle,then that industrial snare comes in???
im not feeling that farty bass sound m8 lose it and use a nice simple sine wave instead(keep the pattern tho m8).
the kicks ok but could use more impact(you probably need to redo the kick if you use a sine wave for the sub bass tho as it too sounds a bit to flabby).
that snare is a so wrong for this track you need a big splashy kinda snare, many layers.

i get somewhat confused as to where your trying to go with this track bro,
i can understand that your taking time out from tryingtoworkonit m8.
heres what i do in times of musical stress.
bounce the track to mp3, stick it on my ipod and play it whist doing the shopping,
picking holes in it as i go to supermaket for the weekly shop.
(nb:- you can look like a bit of a nutter tho when chatting into the phone making comments on voice record(eq sub back, change hat pattern, move vocal over) i get the funniest off looks from people when im in the queue paying for the food iv just brought and still making comments on my own tracks(on the phone)).

i dont post anything till im75% happy with it or if im completey lost "i think it" was one example of me being lost.
i knew wot i wanted to do with the vocal but i couldnt express my self with it,
thank Christ for maskkd eh that mans got an evil streak 5 miles wide.

lee m8 wot else can i do when its all house faggots and vauxhall corsa driving hoddie nob twats in my area.
oh yeah i got an idea i'll go ask some of them about dnb,
like they know or give a shit eh.
and as for that "i think it" tune its not meant to nice m8,
i cant see old charlie manson saying oh yeah im a "fluffy head" by the way, he's evil,the tracks evil, nuff said

ahh i see m8
yeah dont know wot happened there m8 might be the mp3 encoder.
sounded ok over here, raspy but ok,
but i think stu is re-mastering it.
yeah shouldve posted this on my own tune, but weve started so we'll finish eh lol.

hey m8 dont be to hard on your self,
it just a takes a bit of time and a shit load of pratice,
thats wot these forum places are for.
you got some mad dnb beats m8 make no mistake about it,(mad as in pretty damm good) and you have a style which is techy, so id pursue that road a bit more.
listen to a heap load of techy dnb,
emulate other producers(some say its cheating, but its all learning process),
i mean if someone didnt copy the amen break most probably there wouldnt be much dnb around(true?).
your a reason user yeah, well make youtube your buddy see how its done on there, make there pathches. its all about learning m8.
im no master either bro, im just scratching the surface of it to.
just develop your style,
if you find a trancey bit think to yourself is that techy enuff for this beat?, ok no but will it fit in the breakdown?, keep asking yourself questions.
you might have a limited knowledge of dnb but that can a be a bonus, because your coming to this scene with fresh ideas.
most ppl are pretty cool with advice, its just how do you transfer that advice into your daw.
thats the hard part for me as im using reason4 for pads and a bit of bass,sx3 for my beats,and ableton for all the midi side..
so when some one says to me yeah boost the mids in the pads,
im like ok thats in reason how the fuck do i do that lololol.
trust a few ppl's comments and try to work that into your tune, not every ones gonna like it,(believe me i know that)because everyones taste is different.
soz m8 but you did say brutal,
hope i wasnt to brutal.
dont give up, get better.
peace chap  

tbh i dont think its that bad production wise and i have to admit its a lot better than some of the earlier stuff i was doing but all you gotta do mate is keep working on tracks because it will pay off in the end man trust me the more you make the more you will improve. i dont think anyone can say they could just produce fantastically from the off mate and anyone who does is full of shite lol. your ears will just get used to it man and you will improve over time. as for the tune the arp dont really fit and again it sounds like two tunes try building a 16 bar loop and keep adding variations to the main melody and muting them
give yourself lots to work with and then you will find it a lot easier to  make something wich flows like one. but just aim to improve on every tune you do man and il say it again this is a lot better than the earlier stuff i was doing so just go with it man

Thank you guys.. for lifting my spirits =) , and yes Sent i do like the brutal comments.. i just am hard on myself.. because i know i could do a hell of a lot better. you know? i am never happy with my music.. and i am sure thats the same for about 85% of the producers/musicians in the world.. i just beat my self up to much.. but.. isn't that what a lot of great artists do? i dont know.. i know im not going to stop making dnb i love it to much.. haha.. anyways.. i really do appreciate the comments.. on the tracks.. it helps me a lot.. i mean shit.. if i could find that first song i sent to Sentinel then everyone here would agree i have come a long way from shitty to.. half way decent only took me about what.. 2 years.. haha.. all good.. i love the make music and thats what ima do.. stick to dnb.. Ez